Dave Francis
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Me again. Remember
Dave? The guy in Russia having a good time? Writing letters back to all of you
to let you know how great a time he is having? Well, I have been a bit under
the weather, so I hadn’t done much. Yesterday, I had a nice day. A very nice
day.
We went to the wedding of one of the 3 Lenas. (If you remember from the earlier
letters.) She was the short one. The one who speaks Spanish, English, and a
few other languages. She is a lovely, interesting lady.
Well, it started in the afternoon, at about 5:30. We went to the wedding palace,
where the ceremony was to be performed. It is a state thing, and the state does
it, at the states building. People frequently have a religious ceremony also,
but this one is the one that counts with Vladimir Putin. By the way, the palace
was the former palace of one of the uncles of Nicholas II. (Nick was the last
Tsar, and was the one that let the commies take over. He was also just canonized
here by the Russian Orthodox Church.) The uncle’s name was Great Duke Nicholas.
(No, not like John Wayne.) He was the commander in chief of the Russian forces
in WW I during the first year. The doors open, and all the guests are formally
invited inside to stand in a group in a corner of a nice room. Some wonderfully
angelic lady in a beautiful blue gown is the MC apparently. She waits until
we are all ensconced in our area, and then the wedding march starts. In comes
the bride, groom, best man, and maid of honor. No great big procession, but
it had a bit of style to it. The lady reads something to us, walks over, beaming,
to the couple, Dmitri and Lena. She speaks to them a bit, and they mumble something
in assent. This goes on about 3 minutes, and then she walks back to her desk,
and picks up the rings, and shows them to us, (from a distance.) and says something
else. (This is, oddly enough, all in Russian.) Then she takes the rings to the
couple, and they exchange rings. Afterwards, she goes back to the desk, pulls
up a leather folder with a document inside. I am guessing this is a wedding
license. She holds it aloft, we all gaze, and then she says something else,
to which the older people seem to nod in a satisfied manner. She goes back behind
the desk, and it is over.
Everyone goes to the bride and groom, and begins to greet them, and EVERYONE
has a bunch of flowers for the bride to hold. Well, this don’t last long, since
the bride only weighs about 90 lbs. She s consumed by the flowers after a dozen
or so people go by, and they begin to fall all over the place. Apparently, this
is the point. By the time it was over, it looked like an Italian funeral gone
bad.
The photographer opens the door leading down the stairs, (Like everything I
attend, they had it on something other than the ground floor....) and people
started filing out. As the room emptied, I went over to the vision of peace
and joy who had glowed like an angel while doing the service, in her beautiful
blue gown, and asked "Adin fotografia, pazhalsta?" (One photograph please?)
The most amazing thing happened. This woman was like a character out of a D&D
game. She was incredible. In a split second, the beautiful harmonious atmosphere
that surrounded her was gone. There was, I swear it, an icy wind, which whipped
through the palace, up the stairs, into the room, and up my pants leg. Her face
contorted into some indescribable horror mask, and she growled "Nyet" in a voice
that would have sent Linda Blair to Sunday school. It was incredible. She would
have frightened Jack Nicholson in The Shining. She was absolutely diabolical.
It reminded me of a character in D&D, whose name I forget, but it disguises
itself as a beautiful woman, and when it gets you in a vulnerable spot, it drains
your strength. This woman was Gygax model for that character.
I turned and ran down the stairs.
We get outside, and the limo is there, (A nice, Lincoln limo, charcoal gray.)
and the bride and groom get in and leave, telling us all something as they go.
(Once again, these people insist on speaking Russian....)
Lena tells me that as a surprise, we are to go to a boat, and then later to
a restaurant called "Petrovsky" where the reception was to be held.
Sounds cool. I didn’t know if they did receptions, but considering the Russian
fondness for vodka, I had a suspicion.
We are on the banks of the Neva, so we walk over to this beautiful old boat,
that is moored there permanently, cross it, to one of these really nice tour
boats that take you on tours of the city. Apparently, they have rented this
boat for the wedding party. We all get aboard, and we cast off.
The boat is about 50 meters long, two levels, with a large part indoors, and
the upper deck for observation. They are serving champagne, wine, beer, and
soft drinks. We take a tour past ALL of the sites on the Neva. (This is the
tour we wanted Mom. It was great.) We went by Smolny cathedral, the KGB building,
the Aurora cruiser, St. Isaacs, The Bronze Horseman, The Admiralty, The Hermitage,
Fortress of Peter and Paul, Kresty Prison, (A working prison since the 19th
century.) The Summer Garden, The Winter Palace, The University, The English
Embankment, The Navy Museum, I mean everything. It was a wonderful ride.
About an hour and a half later, we stop at a different spot than from where
we left. There is another boat there, and it is called "Petrovsky." Apparently,
the reception is going to be held on a boat.
We get inside the new boat, and it is a beautiful banquet hall, with a long
table, with vodka, champagne, wine, beer, soft drinks, caviar, salmon, several
plates of meats, fishes, salads, pickles, olives, etc. It was massive. It was
beautifully decorated, and they had an entertainer to keep the party rolling.
This guy was great. He was Shecky Greene, but in Russian. He had a Jewish accent,
and you knew when to laugh based on his style of speech. It was wonderful really.
He did a great job. He would talk for a while, then play a couple of songs,
then present a couple of gifts to guests, then songs, then talk, then etc. It
was very nice.
After an hour or two of this, the couple had their first dance, then everyone
danced. (He played Sinatra for me, and a few songs I didn’t request, but what
the heck, he was being nice.)
This went on for a while, then they do the gift presentations. People come up
to the stage, give the couple a gift, or a card, or just say something nice
about them. It was very nice. A little girl about 5 got up first, and did a
remarkable job. Dmitri’s uncle is very old, and very dignified, and he said
something that brought a tear to your eye, even without understanding the words.
Lena (MY LENA) and I went up, and I had written something to Lena (the one getting
married.) in Spanish, so now I had to read it, and she translated it into Russian.
It was very nice.
After that, there was some singing of folk songs, and some dancing in traditional
Russian manner. (All of this is being interspersed with people chanting occasionally
"GORKA GORKA GORKA" (Which means 'bitter", but apparently in this case not to
be taken literally.) and the happy couple would liplock for several seconds,
sometimes with the crowd counting the seconds of the kiss.) It was cool. It
seemed VERY ethnic to me, with lots of sad songs, and sing along songs, and
some very strange dancing. One guy was dancing, and began jumping up and down
doing the splits in the air, etc. It was really cool.
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At one point, during the dancing, Lena, (No, not my Lena, the one being married.)
brought me on the dance floor and had me do some Russian dance with her. I had
to sometimes kneel, holding a hand up while she danced around me, sometimes
we had to dance in a circle while holding hands in =
a 'Dance around the maypole' kind of thing, and sometimes we were playing pattycakes
while dancing. The dance lasted long enough that I was finally getting the hang
of it when it ended. I got a lot of applause. OK, maybe the applause was for
her and the laughter was for me....
We went out on the boat after dark, and took pictures. It was beautiful. The
embankment, and the Neva River are very pretty at night.
Next we go inside, and there is another plate of food served. This was nice
beef in some cheese sauce, with fried potatoes, and peas. Good grub. After that,
the wedding cake. It was not as big and pretty as you would expect, considering
the wedding, but it was nice. It tasted good. Lots of walnuts inside.
Sometime around midnight, the thing broke up, and we began to leave. Lenas(No,
not my Lena, and not the Lena being married. This is the third Lena in the Three
Lenas series from earlier. This is the tall blonde.) husband stole Lena, (The
bride Lena.) and carried her down the street and around the corner.
I followed.
After a couple of minutes, Lenas(The bride) husband, Dmitri, came looking for
her. With him was Lena.(The tall Lena, whose husband has stolen Lena the bride.)
(By the way, MY Lena was with me the whole time.) Apparently, this is a tradition.
The husband has to find the wife, and pay to get her back. (It cost ten roubles.
Dollar to a donut this has been called a bad deal several times by the husband
at a later date.) All the Lenas got with all the men, and we walked back to
the boat, where EVERYONE has to hitch a lift home. As Yakov Smirnoff says, "What
a country!"
It was cool, and if you ever get invited to a Russian wedding, go. It will be
memorable.
Well, I gotta run.
Dave