|
Russian
Ramblings
Dave Francis It is literally chilly here. The weather is about 50 degrees outside. The wind is blowing, and it wants to rain, but the sky can't seem to weep with all the joy beneath it here. (How is that for gross writing?) The last time we talked boys and girls, I was very smug about my success in taking my own clothes to the laundry. Remember, I made a joke about having donated them to charity? Stay with me here, there is a point to this. I got up this morning, and began putting my affairs in order. I had a lot of Roubles laying around, and I have been being very careful to put money and things in different pockets since the gypsies absconded with my wallet. I put two 500 rouble notes in my shirt pocket, and several 10s and 50s and 100s in my left pants pocket. I put my passport in my inside jacket pocket, and put some Kleenex, breath spray, and other odds and ends in my right pants pocket. Then I started to put the one hundred dollar bill in my back, wallet pocket, which has a button, and plus that, with no wallet, makes for no target at all for a pickpocket. I chose that pocket very carefully, and have been very satisfied with the sense of security for the large bills. (100 dollars is 2800 roubles.) I looked on the desk, didn’t see any US currency, so I began to try to remember where I had put it. I remembered having it in my pants pocket from the other day, but don’t remember taking it out. Hmmmm... Where are those pants? Yes, you guessed it. They are at the cleaners. I looked around, but I knew where they were. I looked for the money, but I knew where it was. I asked Lena to hurry and get dressed, so we could go to the cleaners, even though I knew it was useless. The cleaners is just a drop off, and the clothes are cleaned at a central location. I supposed there was a chance that the clothes hadn’t been shipped, but unlikely. I had dropped them off about 24 hours previous. She got ready quickly, looked at me, and told me I couldn’t go in the shirt I had on. It was wrinkled. She insisted on ironing a shirt. It was hard to argue since this is the second hundred dollar bill I have given away recently, so I quietly panicked. I don’t know why, but I did want to get to the cleaners. Finally, she chose a shirt, ironed it, inspected it, redid a sleeve, inspected it again, and gave it to me. I got dressed and we left. She consoled me, telling me that she had money, and that being a 'kept man' = wasn't so degrading. I walked. Quietly. We get to the store, and go inside. The booth where the dry cleaners is located is unmanned. It is a space in the store rented by a third party vendor. The sign says they open at 10, it is past 11. Lena asks the store personnel, and they say its odd, the girl hasn’t come in yet. Of course she hasn’t come in yet. 100 dollars is the equivalent to 4 Months’ salary of a shopgirl. If you found 4 months salary laying around, you think you might be late the next day? Oh well, we decided to wait. Have you ever waited in Russia for a commie thief to come back so you can look her in the eye and see if she will deny taking your money? Of course you haven’t. I went behind the counter and grabbed a large canvas bag to see if there was anything in it. There were plastic bags, but no clothes. Oh well. There were some cleaned clothes hanging up, and a few bundles of clothes tied up under the counter. I tried to open a cabinet that didn’t open, but no luck. We decided to wait, hoping to get the phone number of the central laundry. Eventually, the girl comes in, and Lena says something in Russian, with a couple of sideways glances at me, and the girl gets this tone in her voice like I am a dog who has been struck by a car. She pulls up one of the bags of clothes from under the counter, and opens it. (I thought these were clean, but they were outgoing.) It was my stack! I pulled the pants out, fished in the pocket, nothing. Damn! I was on a pretty tight budget. I'd only had 300 dollars to survive till Mom gets here, and that has been knocked down a lot before this. I fished in the other pockets, and found a paper. I pulled it out, and sure enough, a brand new, ugly, 100 dollar bill. I showed it to the girl, thanked her, to = which she said something that probably meant, "She lets you out alone?...." and we left. After that, the day was very happy. I went out with Julia, and we made it to the boat. The cruiser was nice. I met a cool old sailor there, who used to be stationed in America, doing some cooperative work for the Soviets with the US navy. He was telling me a lot about a similar ship to this that we have in Philadelphia. This ship, the Aurora, was built in 1903, and was an important factor in the Bolshevik takeover in 1917. Apparently the crew mutinied, and stabbed the bourgeoisie government in the back, turning the ship over to the Bolsheviks. (That aint quite how the guy told it, but it is close enough.) To quote a bit from a pamphlet: "There are some historical places and monuments in the Soviet country which are especially dear to every Soviet man. One of such monuments is the legendary cruiser of the Great October Revolution, Aurora, whose gunshot on October 25, 1917 heralded a new era in the history of mankind." yada yada yada....... Cool boat though. Other than that, a pretty routine day. It is cool as heck though. I can not believe the weather here. How cold is it going to be in January if it is like this in July? Lena says -25, sometimes -30. Page Two: Things are bad here. Very bad. I mean really, really bad. Lena has been working a lot lately, and things are kind of going to hell around here, so I have gallantly stepped in (That is how Lena describes it. To me, it feels a bit like when those guys would wake up after being very drunk for a few days and they notice they are wearing a blue uniform, and a bunch of guys wearing gray uniforms are shooting at em....) I am cooking. I am cooking a lot. Not just when I feel creative, but when I don’t feel creative too. I have cooked so far, omelet’s, potato pancakes, green beans (Fresh ones, the kind you have to snap and cook with bacon.) pot roast, sloppy joes, pancakes, spaghetti, egg salad, and a few other things I forget now. That aint the worst. I also have done dishes a couple of times. That's right folks, me, the great adventurer. I have discovered a part of the kitchen so foul and dark as to chill the blood of a normal man. Drip drip drip the water calls mockingly as you begin to pile plates upon one another, shame rising in your spirit like bile. I also ironed. It was miserable. I had to use this stupid little table that has a penchant for falling down, almost cutting my toes off in the process. (They don’t let you wear shoes in the houses here. You have to go barefoot or wear slippers.) To make it worse, Lenas iron has no temperature gauge on it. It gets DAMN HOT, and that is it. I did get a shirt ironed though, and as long as I keep my jacket on, nobody will notice. That isn’t the worst though. Sit down. Prepare to have all of your illusions about me dashed. I am so ashamed. I am so sorry. To those of you living vicariously through me, please, take up the staff that I have let slip and go forward. Guys, I did LAUNDRY! I know, you are thinking 'so what? I have seen him do laundry before!" No, you don’t understand. There is no washing machine here. I got in the bathtub to take a bath, took a pile of dirty laundry with me and sat it on a bench. I took a pail of hot, soapy water into the bathtub with me, balancing it on my legs. I would put in a couple of soiled items, slosh them around a bit, agitating both them and myself as the process is wont to do. Then, I pull one out, rinse it in the bathtub, and twist it dry as though I was wringing the neck of someone I really didn’t like. After that, into the 'clean' pail to be hung up afterwards. Strangest thing. After about half the stuff, the bathwater began to look a lot like the Mississippi. I had to drain the tub, dump out my pail, and get fresh water started. Eventually, I got done with the clothes I had decided to tackle. It was miserable. I have blisters on my hands from twisting the clothes dry, and I have vowed to never let it happen again. I will burn the old and buy new before I wash clothes like that again. I got up early this morning, (fixed breakfast.) and got out in search of a decent Laundromat. I finally did find one, so now the laundry problem is solved. Ladies, do something VERY nice for your husband tonight as a way of saying thank you for your washing machine. The washing machine was designed, engineered, and built by a man, and yours was paid for by YOUR man, so show him you appreciate it. Never arm wrestle a washerwoman..... Well, I need to go. There is probably something I should be doing. If nothing else, maybe one of my stories is on...... Dave the Houseboy. |